never give up

Psalm 57:1b I will hide beneath the shadow of Your wings
until this violent storm is past.

I always smile whenever I read this verse in Psalm 57.

It's because I dated it April 12, 2007.

You see, when I dated that verse, I had just stepped down from leading HOG.

I'd been leading House of Grace since February, 2005. The 1st year went fairly fine. The second didn't. Our numbers dwindled more & more. I spent the fall of 2006 & the winter of 2007 hoping I wouldn't have to step down, but knowing at the same time we needed a change in leadership if HOG was gonna survive.

So,in March, 2007, I talked to John, & I stepped down. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I felt like SUCH a failure. I was embarrassed. I felt like I'd let down the people I loved in a ministry I believed in. And I figured my staff friends that I was a fool.

There were MANY days that followed during that spring & summer of 2007 that I wanted to just come to work, box up my things, & disappear. I actually came to work several times with boxes in the truck of my car with the full intention of doing just that.

But I knew I didn't have the luxury of running away. I knew I had to walk it out, no matter how humiliating or humiliated I was. There were too many people watching me - my peeps in HOG, my fellow staffers at Christ Chapel, & lots of people in the church & in my life.

Sometimes living a transparent life has it drawbacks! ;-) I simply didn't have the option of slinking off in defeat & hiding.

That was the state I was in on the inside of me in April, 2007. I carried on as best I could, but it wasn't easy, at all.

And then...

In August, 2007, I met Tucker Ellis, who became the worship leader of HOG, & still is, as well as Christ Chapel Downtown. And Tucker also was given to me as one of my sons. As a result of Tucker's coming, I started playing keys in the HOG band - I NEVER thought I get to play in public again.

In the late fall of 2007, I started going to Cochran to help that church begin. Little did I know I would be given 3 more sons through that experience, Scott, Jimmy, & Ken. Jimmy Farrell asked me to play in the worship team there, too. And we started HOG at Middle Georgia College - a tremendous ministry to those college students.

I had a year with CCCochran. I will always remember that experience & that time together with them with GREAT fondness & thankfulness.

In late 2007 & early 2008, God gave me 4 verses for 2008. I knew 2008 was gonna be a dozie! Little did I know...

God started talking to me about moving to a warehouse in downtown Macon, taking HOG there, & starting a downtown church, and who knows what else. I didn't think John & Beth would be crazy enough to let me do that! If I'd have been in charge, I wouldn't let me do that!

Well, they did, & we did.

HOG spiked 50% in attendance for 6 months - something no other ministry has ever done. It wasn't me who did that. I remember the night we spiked standing in the back of the warehouse & asking God what was up. He said (I quote), "This isn't you. This is Me."

Since then, we had more people in HOG than ever go out locally, nationally, & internationally in mission. And many of them are still out there, while others are in process to go. Those 20 months with HOG at the warehouse were unbelievable. When I'm old & gray, feeble & walking with a cane, I'll remember the people from those days, & the miracles God did among us.

And we started a satellite gathering on Sunday mornings. We started reaching out to the downtown community. Little did I know what that experience would prepare me for.

Btw, in the 3 years since April, 2007, God gave me 4 more daughters & 30+ more sons.

And at the beginning of this year, God started the restlessness again inside of me. He gave me 4 passages (4 verses wasn't enough this time ;-) for 2010.

He led me to step away from HOG & CCDowntown & turn it over to my son, Dave White.

He's led Lynn & I to do the unheard of at our ages - pack it up, move somewhere where no one knows us (Blairsville), & start all over. I don't know what's ahead - another HOG, another satellite gathering? I don't know how this next season is gonna flesh out, but we're continuing to put 1 foot in front of another. We'll see how it all comes out. ;-)

So?

I smile when I read that verse because at the time I thought my life was over. Little did I know...

You may be in the middle of such a season & such a feeling of defeat. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Just keep walking with Him. Ya just never know what God may have up His sleeve for you up ahead.