I knew

 I write dates in my Bible.

Sometimes God will seem to speak to me through a verse or a passage about something going on in my life or my world.

So to help me remember such things I'll write the date in the margin.

Today, I read Psalm 112 just as a part of my sequential reading of the Psalms.

And I ran across verse 7 that was dated "12.4.12" (December 12, 2012).

What was going on in my life at that time?

In the summer of 2012, I knew there was something going on with Lynn's cognitive ability. Things just weren't quite right. So I started watching her far more closely.

I think it was by Thanksgiving that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Lynn has Alzheimer's.

It wouldn't be until February, 2013 that Lynn was conclusively diagnosed for Alzheimer's & started medications to slow down the progress. But I'm sure that on 12.4.12 I was dealing with the new reality I was facing, trying to process what all that would mean, & how to walk forward with some level of integrity.

Little did I know...

At the time of her diagnosis, I was told by both the neurologist & her primary doctor that Alzheimer's patients usually have a life expectancy of 3 to 6 years. It's been 12 years, & we're still moving forward.

What was the verse I wrote the date next to in my Bible?

Psalm 112:7

"(The godly) do not fear bad news;

they confidently trust the Lord to care for them."

Let me be clear about something...

I haven't survived the last 12 years with a modicum of sanity because I'm a superhuman or someone so holy & sanctified I regularly burn people with my halo.

I totally depend on the Holy Spirit to give me the strength I need. I take life 1 day at a time, sometimes 1 hour at a time.

I don't know how He does it - I don't feel very strong. But I do know that I continue to just keep on keeping on. I don't know how I do it, other than to acknowledge that there's got to be some sort of power coming from somewhere outside of me. I'm not that strong or sanely able to deal with the challenges Lynn & I face. It just happens.

I wouldn't describe myself as someone who "confidently trusts." I would say I think it's more like I don't have any other choice but to trust the Lord to somehow take care of Lynn & me. There ain't nobody or no thing than Him that's walking this closely & intimately with us.

How much longer do we have? Lynn's situation is open ended - she's in pretty good health physically for a 76 year old lady. Me? Well, caregiving is taking its toll. I also know that, depending on whose studies you read, spouses who are caregivers for their husbands or wives predecease their spouses anywhere to 51% to 70% of the time.

I don't know what lies ahead. These days especially who does? We take things as they come, one day at a time.

And I guess I continue to trust the Lord will take care of us.