There's no one who wonders more as to why God would want me to be & do those things right now than me. It certainly wasn't on my short list of being & doing. About a year ago He started talking to me about downtown, & He hasn't shut up yet. For the first few months, I didn't talk to anyone about it, b/c I figured I was not hearing Him right. Then we I faced that fact that I was hearing something, I figured no one in their right mind would support it. Well, here we are, setting out on the very adventure God has been talking to me about for at least a year. I still haven't figured out "why me" but I don't think about it or strive about anymore, & haven't for quite a few months now.
The reason I'm glad I'm not the One who thought this up & made the choices is there's plenty of people (some of them very important to me) who find it at least as hard to believe as I do that God seems to be using me in this way. A year ago, it would have eaten me up to realize that. But as I've said more than once - this isn't my gig. I didn't come up with this idea. My responsibility is to be obedient, not to explain the mind of God & why He'd want me to be the point person for it. I quit trying to explain it or my life about a year ago. I'm not going back to explaining it, or trying to justify it. It takes all my energy just to live it at the level God wants me to!
I lean on the scripture, "God both precedes & follows me" (Psalm 139:6) a lot these days. I'm watching Him prepare the way, as well as mop up behind me. My job is to just keep walking in the direction He's told me to go.
I've wondered this last year if just maybe God's using me as an example of His power. If God can use a donkey to speak to Balaam, & guess He can use a donkey like me to be & do the things He's been showing me the last year. (Balaam & his donkey is in the Old Testament book of Numbers, the 22nd chapter)
I don't know. I can't worry about the thinking or opinions of some. I've got too much to think about these days to worry too much about what some people think. I do wish some times that some of the people in my life could look beyond the preconceived ideas they have about me & my skill level & just look at the miracles God has to pull off on a regular basis to make it all happen in my life.
Here's the deal for me - it's like I've jumped into this great big river call, "His Overarching Will for Humankind." My job is two-fold: 1) to keep my feet from dragging the bottom, so as to not hinder my progress; 2) don't fight the current, keeping me from going in that place in that river that He's decided for me.
And I know one day the current will change again for me. Maybe the place He drifts me to will be more in the areas that are consistent with people's concept of me - maybe not. I'm not responsible for that. I'm only responsible for being & doing what I believe God's leading me to be & do. People's reaction to it is not.
People thought Christopher Columbus was crazy. And although he mistakenly thought he would run into China by sailing west, look at what he found - a whole new undiscovered world.
Just a thought...
I love you.
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