trusting

Psalm 106:24 The people refused to enter the pleasant land, for they would not believe His promise to care for them.

The people the psalmist is talking about is the children of Israel. The pleasant land was the Promised Land of Canaan.

The Israelites wouldn't go into Canaan b/c they didn't think God would keep His promise to take care of them, deliver their enemies to them, & give them victory.

These are the people who saw 7 plagues afflict the Egyptians, so as to convince Pharoah to let them go. These are the people who walked across the Red Sea on dry land & then saw Pharoah's army swallowed up by the same sea. This is the people who had a pillar of smoke leading them thru the desert, shading them, & a pillar of fire at night, lighting up their camp.

We can shake our heads all we want, but we're just like the Israelites. I know in my life, over & over again, God comes thru, but I still worry & wonder if He'll come thru again, when the situation & needs are different. Do you ever do that?

Bottom line, we're just stupid - willful & stupid. How many times does God have to do what He says & promises for us to trust Him?

2 Corinthians 12:7b So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.
8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.9 Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.10 That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

We feel like we have to be strong, large & in charge, capable, sufficent - iow, able to get the job done.

It's interesting that the longer I live, the one thing God wants me to be is obedient. As Pastor John says, if something scares us & is not something we can pull off on our own, then it's usually what God wants us to be or do.

Why does He do that? If we could do it with our own strength & abilities, we would. If God keeps us in a place where we feel not quite able to pull it off, then we'll depend on Him, & He'll get the glory, not us. (If we get the glory, we'll get even more prideful than we are!)

That's where I am with downtown. I feel so out of my depth. I think God's a little crazy wanting me to be the catalyst for this ministry. We all know I certainly don't possess whatever it is to pull this off.

Even though God started talking in earnest to me about downtown about a year & a half ago, es[ecially in the past 6 months, I've said, "I don't know" more than I have in the rest of my life put together. I'm just walking thru this season, being & doing what I think is supposed to be & be done. I'm totally depending on God for His favor, wisdom, & ideas.

It's a funny place for me. For most of my so-called adult life as a music minister, before I did anything, I knew what was to be done, how to do it, who would do it, when to do it, & how it would all look in the end.

Now I just take one day at a time, with the direction He gives me.

It's a different place for me to live. But I like it. He's in charge, not me. He's the one providing the ideas, direction, & the wisdom & strength to pull them off. And He's the one coming up with the favor needed to actuate it all, not me.

God's able to do His deal b/c I'm not always trying to butt in with who I am & what I can do. I'm way out of depth here. If this ting downtown is gonna mean anything, it's up to Him.

Which makes it quite an adventure.