If you cling to your life,
you will lose it;
if you give it up for Me,
you will find it."
This verse has been active in my life for at least the last 8 years.
Over & over again God had used it to whisper to me
“Don't cling to your life...”
Over & over again...
Don't to what has been.
God has something for me,
but it's not as it has been.
Over & over again He's compelled me to let go of what I have & walk toward what He has for me.
It's never been easy.
It's always something new & different.
It's seldom glamorous.
A few times, I've moved in directions that I ended up realizing had been the wrong direction to go.
It's like God recalculates like a GPS, & get me back on track.
Getting off track has cost me dearly.
But God has gotten me back on track each time.
Change has been the constant these 8 years.
A lot of the time – most of the time? - I'm clueless as to the reasons behind any new situation or direction.
I've gotten more & more comfortable with being clueless, especially in the last 5 ½ years.
It takes more trust to walk with Him when your clueless than if you know the reasons for new situations or directions.
That last sentence wasn't being prideful or boasting on my part – it's a simple admission of what's true.
I know this goes against the grain of what we believe is the nature of life, even as followers of Jesus.
We think that no matter what we are or do as followers of Jesus that ir will be glitteringly successful.
I'm not so sure that's always true.
The longer I've walked this road, the more I believe a success orientation & a life of servanthood are incompatible.
If we say we are follower of Jesus & His servants, then we are compelled to follow & to serve, even if God doesn't reveal the reasons.
So why do I continue?
Because I have a relationship with Someone who is infinite.
I have decided to obey Him,
no matter what.
Because I “see through a glass darkly” (that from1 Corinthians 13).
I don't see the BIG picture – I can only see what's right in front of me – or maybe a little of what's ahead.
God sees the beginning, the end, & the in between – He sees it all in one fell swoop.
He knows what's goin' on.
And I gotta trust Him on that.
It's all about trust.
It always is.